Don’t we all love to nibble on chocolate – even the most manly of us craves a Yorkie bar occassionally. Yeh but men aren’t going to buy this t-shirt about our weakness for the brown stuff are we? It’ll be women that strangly prefer chocolate to sex – well tell them that if they do start to pile on the pounts that there’s no better way to work it off than get between the sheets with you for a few hours. In fact you could say you’ll become their personal trainer and help them lose as much weight as they can.

If your wife or girlfriend just can’t get enough of it, then get them this t-shirt!

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3. A Funny T-Shirt For DJs – I Don’t Do Requests …

We’re constantly surrounded by censorship, you can’t move for it. Of course you don’t want kids growing up too soon – they’ll be drinking your beer and knicking your birds FFS!! But there used to be great free porn on those German channels on Sky and you don’t get those anymore WTF!

They even put porn on the top-shelf so that short people can’t get them. What would a midget do if he wanted something frappable? The world’s not right in the head! If you too want to protest about how we’re constantly told what is good for us then get this Blessed Are The Sensors For They Shall Inhibit The Earth t-shirt form IIWII for just £12.95! There aren’t any other funny t-shirt shops this cheap (that I know of).

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How many times do you go to a party at some dodgy Labour club and go up to the DJ and ask for a kick-arse tune and the guy doesn’t have it? Like he can’t use iTunes or Spotify?! DJs are just crap at having decent tunes so why don’t they just wear a t-shirt like this from Shot Dead In The Head?

It reads “No I Don’t Do Requests. Please Fuck Off” – class. So take the hint, get yourself another bevvy and get a grove on – there’s nowt wrong with a bit of “It’s raining men!”.

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You’ve got to love people’s perception of the police. Perhaps its because I’m a law-abiding citizen most of the time – I do believe I have j-walked once and I might have shot a Welshman with a bow and arrow on market day in Chester – oh that’s legal isn’t it. But you get the drift. If you’re not happy with the way you’ve been treated by the police in the past then bag yourself one of these “Community Policing” T-shirts from Sabcat for just £12!

It’s probably illegal knowing this lot!

Comedy Rating: 8/10
Offensive Rating: 4/10

You may also like the Con-Dem Nation T-Shirt

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Pass the bucket! If you wanted to get your wife or girlfriend a romanatic present then you can’t get anything more romantic, and sickly than this “You Complete Me” t shirt. It’s so sweet I’m going to have to get myself a diabeties test just writing this. Come on guys! Wouldn’t roses and chocolates do the trick?

If you did, however, want to make a complete tit of yourself and get your other half a nice little wearble gift then why not splash out £14.95 on this bad boy from Chargrilled? She may even give you head now (or if she does, that other thing you want her to do! (other than the ironing!)).

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Are you someone that just hates Valentines Day? Well if you are that misserable git that goes into a chippy on the big day for a romantic meal (yes I did that with an ex-girfriend once) then this has to be the t-shirt for you.

Stick too fingers up to those happy romantic couples spending money they don’t have on each other and get this t-shirt that says “I’m a heartless bastard”.

And why not get it in black too from Red Molotov for £14.99?

And if you are a sopy git then why not get the You Complete Me T Shirt?

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1. I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked! T shirt – Funny Valentines Tshirt

This is a bit of advanced warning for those guys trying to find their girlfriend or wife a funny t-shirt as a Valentine’s present. Women often say “why don’t you ever tell me the truth?” well you can do just that with this t-shirt – that is, of course, if you’re not seeing a munter. But seeing as they don’t do “you look better with a bin bag on you” t-shirts I advise that you just get them this one. Play it safe right!

The clever people at Chargrilled put these letters together and made the whitty statement – someway more professional than I could.

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There’s a big debate in the States about Darwinism and the religious people that still believe that God created man from dust that he blowed from his nostrils. Now I’m not saying people can’t believe what they want, but if you are up on your evolutionary tales then you might want to get this Stop Following Me T-Shirt? Or indeed if you remember seeing the ape picture at school and what the feck are these people and monkeys doing?

Amusement Factor: 6/10
Offensive Rating: 2/10 (some people will do grr)

You can get it from Chargrilled for £14.95.

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1) Does This Body Make Me Look Fat? t shirt from Chargrilled

Don’t you just love the irony of this t-shirt? There’s not a lot you can really say about it other than its genius. You can get all metaphysical about it and differentiate between the fat and people’s attitude, but bollocks to that! What does make me laugh is that they offer the t-shirt in a small size! You’ve really got to have a bad dose of body dysmorphia or be the most ironic git ever to get away with it!

2) Fat People Are Harder To Kidnapp by Red Molotov

Now, as I’ve not tried, I can’t vouch for the validity of the statement. All I can do is imagine what it’d be like trying to get a 8st weakling into the boot of a car and then trying it with a 25st heffer. Well, I don’t see this t-shirt breaking any trade descriptions laws or any crap like that. Furthermore, I’d say it’d also be harder to hide fat people. Some of them indeed, you couldn’t fit in a freezer like the do on some gangster films. I think the best method would be to put them in a padded, sound-proofed cell with biscuits and pizza – that should do the trick.

Purely for research purposes I tried doing some research on youtube and found that, in fact, it is pretty hard to kidnap a fat person:

3) Fat Girls Like Cock Too by Shot Dead In The Head

Don’t you just love the audacity of this t-shirt? Like fat girls wouldn’t like cock? They obviously like cake more than cock, but that’s their decision. Perhaps they just don’t have the energy to get a boyfriend? Would they prefer a cock delivery service, or by one slice and get a cock free? I don’t know, but whatever the case we shouldn’t descriminate against fat people, they have needs and wants too.

4) Fat Girls Like Cock Too by Goonies Truffle Shuffle

This may not be the most hilarious or offensive t-shirt. But any 30-something out there must just love the Goonies film and have a small place in their heart reserved for Chunk! He had to do the Truffle Shuffle to be allowed into their house – its one of the funniest things you’ll ever see on screen:

But I’m just sat here open-mouthed with this one:

And its caught on big time on the internet with over 2,000 videos people the Truffle Shuffle on You Tube (some hotter than others).

5) Be nice to fat people one day they could save your life t-shirt by Visual Candy

There’s some poetic irony here too. If fat people didn’t eat so much crap they may not only die sooner because their body would just give in, but because if they need to run away from an alien monster, dinosaur or chainsaw wielding manic – they wouldn’t be able to. That jam doughnut may just be double trouble – next time just say no!!! Actually, this theory may prove that its worthwhile befriending a fat person as a safety device – I wonder if you can get tax relief on hiring one? (On my “to find out list” for later!)

6) Fat C**t Olympics t shirt from
Chargrilled

This is another of those t-shirts where you wince when you read it. And I’m sure Chargrilled will react the same when they get a letter from the Olympics organsisation suggesting that there’s been some copyright infringement! I still think its absolutely bloody hilarious though!

7) The Simpsons Homer Fat And Happy Chocolate T-Shirt by Play.com

Homer has a fantastic, but simplistic view of the world, but with all those piss-take t-shirts above, its good to say “I just don’t give a shit” and if you’re happy being obese then good for you! So if you’re one of those people that doesn’t care being overweight and wanted emotional support from a world-renowned life coach like Homer Simpsn then you’ve got to get this t-shirt from Play.com!

Smile if You Screw Fat Guys Funny T-Shirts by TeesBox

This is another sexually focused t-shirt. If you wanted to go down a more subtle route than the cock t-shirt above, and you’re a bit of a smoothy then why not try this more delicate approach and try and make the girls smile! You never know, it may work. Fat people do have personalities you know! I’m sure this would make a great t-shirt if you’re over-weight and you’re on the pull! Let me know if it works! You could even get this if you are a girl yourself. You’ll get guys coming up to you, read it and then smile – you could have so much fun with that!

9) Pseudopregnant by TeesBox

I’m sure it’d be a fecking nightmare if you were a girl and someone asked if you were pregnant but you were just a bit chubby! I’d probably give the person a black eye! But if you wanted to twist the faux pas into your favour then get this “Pseudopregnant” t-shirt!

I’ve got a bit of early middle-age spread so I think I’m going to have to get one and see if anyone asks any stupid questions!

10) Feminists Are Big, Fat, Hairy Dykes! T-Shirt from
Jam Rags

You’ve got to admit that lesbians are either really attractive of fat as fook with 12 O’clock shadow that’s more noticable than a hairy lorry driver! I just loved the inappropriateness of this t-shirt so thought I’d add it to the list. You’ve got to love it though!

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I can’t spell, my grammar is crap. At least I’m good looking and have a huge … (Bill Bryson collection). If you’re the sort of person that gets upset with people putting an apostrophe in the wrong place, perhaps you’re an English teacher, then this has to be the t-shirt for you.

Wot wiv the txt tlk n all dat ruining de lanqage! Ok, so I’m not that bad. I actually love this t-shirt as its so relevant to my daily struggle not to spell words wrong or get them in the wrong order or, indeed, type an “;” instead of an “:” – what’s the bloody difference anyway. And whilst we’re at it. Why is the verb of die dying? Is that what you do when you’re changing the colour of something. I digress. Get this t-shirt I implore you!

Amusement Factor: 6/10
Offensive Rating: 0/10

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